Writing a paper, need your thoughts?

OK I'm a bad writing and I wanted you all to tell me what's wrong with my little essay. Please don't be mean just be real please.Topic: If you had the power to change the world, what would change about it and why would you make those changes? If I had the power to change the world, the one thing I would change would be the way people view life. People in this world have so many problems because, they worry about what other people think of them. They worry about the color of their skin, their weight, and what someone else is wearing. It is year 2009 going into year 2010 and people are still being called *******, crackers, and jew, why, because of the color of their skin. If we were all the same color and race we wouldn't have this problem. If people could just stop and open their eyes and look beyond the color of some ones skin, they would see some one who is not that different from them. People are lossing their mind worrying about whether to be skinny, fat or thick. Women and some men see models on tv and think that's the way we're suppose to look and start sticking their fingers down their throat and throwing up. Then women see females in videos with big breast and big butts and go out and get implants, thinking that's what a man wants. And then some people think that being fat is just so wrong that they have to go out their way and be mean to any and everyone who is not a size 2. If I had the power to change that, people would not look at the world as if being skinny is perfect, being fat is ugly and being thick is sexy or however they want to put it. So if I had the power to change the world, the color of your skin and your size would not matter. You would be beautiful from head to toe and from the inside to out. And people would view life as if everyone is suppose to be different, as too we should all look alike.

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One Response to “Writing a paper, need your thoughts?”

  1. Kilmarnock says:

    You’re definitely addressing a major issue in todays society. Somethings I noticed however we’re: +”Jews” should be left out, it is a religion, not a color as stated. (Also if you refer to the religion please dont call them “Jews” call it the Jewish faith/religion+Place a “the” between “It is” and “year 2009″.+Place comma’s around phrases such as “crackers” and so onThose are my major things, apart frorm that you address some serious points. What age are you? and what class is this for?