Please revise/edit this very interesting essay?





The topic was about american freedom.I am in 8th grade so please help me and not criticize."Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." Have you ever thought about how a particular freedom makes people’s lives better? The freedoms stated in the first amendment help make peoples lives better. The first amendment says that we have the freedom of assembly, petition, press, religion, and speech. As mentioned, the freedom of petition is guaranteed through the first amendment. If you protest in the U.S., you wouldn’t face legal consequences. Other countries, such as North Korea, would give you the death penalty if you protest or oppose them in anyway. If we had no freedom of petition then, we might face the death penalty. Having the freedom changes peoples lives and makes them better because if those who don’t like the way things are going protest, then changes can be made. Without other people’s opinion, how will the majority be happy? One of the other freedoms mentioned is the freedom of Religion/Race. The U.S. is independent and is diverse. Having the freedom of religion makes the U.S. unique. Every single human being is equal and should be treated equally. The freedom of religion makes people’s lives better because they don’t have to fear being persecuted from the U.S. because of their religion/race. I think the freedom of speech is the most important freedom of all. Every citizen should be able to say whatever they want without the government tell them what we can say and can’t. Patrick Henry said "Give me liberty or give me death". He meant that he would rather die than be a person without freedom. Freedom in a way has its advantages and disadvantages. It’s basically a privilege and could be taken away. Those who abuse the privilege could face legal consequences. One of the best ways to make people’s lives better is to give them freedom. A no freedom country is a corrupt country.



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One Response to “Please revise/edit this very interesting essay?”

  1. regorge says:

    I think you’ve done a marvelous job! Very nice speech. I would only make a few suggestions:First paragrpah – the freedoms stated in the first amendment help make people’s lives better and our country stronger. SEcond paragraph: Having the freedom changes people’s lives. Change happens through discussion and protest. There are many examples throughout American history where open discussion and protest has improved the lives of many people. Third paragraph: Take out race – race isn’t mentioned in the intro paragraph. And we don’t have freedom of race, we have protections against discrimination based on race. fourth paragraph: Every citizen should be able to say what they feel. Patrick Henry said “Give me liberty or give me death.” to express his firm belief that open discourse and questioning of the government is a necessity of freedom. We must have the freedom to express our opinions, desires and hopes for our country. Last paragraph: It’s basically a privilege that could be taken away without proper protections. Therefore it is also a responsibility. I hope I’ve helped. I am very impressed with what you have written and wish you the best in delivering this impassioned speech.