Can someone read and check this essay if it is appropriate for college level narrative and desriptive essay?





First day of College Ever since I came to America, I wanted to be a part of the millions of students that go to an American college; it was a dream for me to study here. Finally, that day arrived and I was getting ready to go to college. My heart was pounding against my chest. I was, so excited and nervous, besides all, many thoughts were circulating through my mind. What if I didn’t understand the teacher’s words? How teacher and other students will behave with me being an international student? What kind of problems I have to face? My friend and I were going to college in the same car. We left my house at about 9:30; it was only 7 minutes ride to the college. I still had half an hour till class started, so I thought we are going to get early in class, but it was only my delusion. It took us 10 minutes of going around in circles to park our car; my hope of getting early in class was shattering. While we got out of the car, it was raining heavily .It acquired us another ten long minutes to figure out the way to enter the campus. I knew that we are already late to class; also, we didn’t have a single guess of where our classroom was? It struck me, "Oh my god, I’m lost on my first day of college. Well, what else could possibly go wrong?" To top all that there was no one around to help us. After entering the college, I felt that I had landed in a temperate forest with high density of long green trees. After we studied a campus map, we found our classroom. We slowly entered the classroom cold and wet like roosters. In the classroom, we faced a young woman with a beautiful face, and attractive smile, our teacher. After student and teacher introduction, she discussed the syllabus for upcoming classes. I liked the way that my new teacher talked and also her manner of providing knowledge; she amused us throughout the class period. When the class was over, I felt that I was unnecessarily afraid, and this class was perfectly normal.Now, the time for one more fear; the fear was about totally unfamiliar subject, anatomy and physiology. In this class, my teacher was a jolly, intelligent, and an old gentleman with lots of good experiences from his life. When my teacher was talking about syllabus and class policies, I wasn’t able to be involved in that discussion because I was thinking whether or not I would understand the lab work that he mentioned. Everything just came in by one ear and went out by the other. My friend, who had studied here, encouraged me to not to worry. She said, "Everything is going to be fine by two or three days when you are familiar with the way of your teacher’s teaching and study methods." When we were free to go home, we faced a new problem. We entered in wrong parking lot and couldn’t find our car. After some perplexity, we found our car with a $10 dollar fine because we had parked our car in a carpool parking without a parking pass. Finally, after many complications we hit the road to my house. In the car, I talked to my friend how I’m impressed from this college, and felt very happy. Of course, there was happiness because of reaching my long awaited goal. I found the college atmosphere so friendly, yet I am an internationals student. I was impressed by enhanced class equipments. I was astonished to find that the classrooms had projectors (didn’t really know about projectors because there weren’t many in India) and television sets (the classrooms didn’t have television in India).I went home that day with cheerfulness instead of frightening. This happiness was much stronger then the fear, I had before. Now, when I am going back to home, I don’t have any illusions in my mind about teachers, my class mates and study methods. As we go through life, we encounter many firsts; in later life, when you remember these firsts, some make you happy but some may frighten you. After remembering the first day of my college, a smile always take place on my face.



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2 Responses to “Can someone read and check this essay if it is appropriate for college level narrative and desriptive essay?”

  1. parameterless says:

    Only thing I see is in the final sentence.. it’s really great, but the only thing I see is, “After remembering the first day of my college, a smile WILL always take place on my face.” or “After remembering the first day of my college, a smile always takeS place on my face.” The capital letters = the correction I made. But I’m also just a senior in high school.. but that’s my personal take on it. But in general, it’s a great essay.

  2. Fusus says:

    Ramy, unfortunately, I see many mistakes. You should proof your essay before sending it to a college. I personally do not think it is college material. There are too many misspellings; commas are either missing in the place they need to be or placed in a part of a sentence where it is not needed. Verbs are in the wrong places in various sentences. You used a question mark where one was not needed. Some sentences are wordy. Being descriptive and wordy are not synonymous. You can shorten a few sentences, resulting in the same meaning. Depending on your program of study in college, you are encouraged to use active voice rather than passive voice. There are many great web sites that explain grammar usage. Good luck!